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The Darkness Of Memorial Day – George Kalantzis

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Today marks Memorial Day weekend. Time used to celebrate the unofficial start of summer. But for me and many others, this weekend is a trigger for hell and despair that reminds us of the ultimate sacrifice- freedom.

After an intense breathwork session, I found myself shaking on the floor reliving the last moments of my best friend’s death. His death is something that has haunted me for many years.

I never shared this with anyone because I didn’t want others to think I was crazy. A warrior’s death is an honor; so much of my life was passive-aggressive suicidal.

I never wanted to die, but I became okay with the idea of dying because darkness was a normal part of who I was.

Part of my disconnection with the world for many years was that I spent a great deal of time in environments bonded over pain, blood, sweat, and genuine love for one another human.

Naturally, after ten years of constant darkness, I disengaged from life because much of what I believed was that the world around me didn’t appreciate or understand what was truly going in in the world. So for many years I walked around life carrying the weight of my friend’s death because I felt like no one understood.

And here is where I had my biggest revelation- hidden behind forced smiles and bright blue eyes, I’ve been searching for something to fill that void for years.

I hope one day I find it; or I am lucky enough to be granted a warrior’s death.

Not sure which one I will granted first.

I am a wounded warrior, but I keep fighting on…because every year Memorial Day reminds me of the void that is deep within my soul.

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