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‘How to get posted at Area 51’ & other dumb military questions answered

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“How do you get posted at a location such as Area 51 or the Pentagon while in the military?”

I feel bad because no one actually answered this question. You see, in the military, there are a finite number of jobs at each location. Depending on the branch or the assignment, the average PCS (Permanent Change of Station) rate is about 4 years (shorter for a remote tour or a deployment). So someone will be assigned to work at the Pentagon and then after 4 years they’ll be due for a transfer, leaving their position open.

Let’s say you’re graduating from boot camp in August (congratulations, you did it, you little hero!) and Airman Snuffy is gonna PCS in August, leaving his Pentagon position open. You now have the option to go work at the Pentagon!

But you have to compete for it. So how did you do at boot camp? Huh? Did you cry? Did you piss off your drill sergeant? Or did you shine like the future freedom fighter that you are?

Your command will rate you based on your performance and recommend you for your list of assignment preferences. If you’re lucky, you’ll get your number one choice (the Pentagon I guess?) and if you’re not, well, bring mittens to Minot.

But you weren’t *really* asking about the Pentagon, were you? You were asking about aliens.


How to get posted at Area 51 | Dumb Military Questions 104

Area 51 is the most exciting conspiracy theory in the U.S. military. Aliens could be real! Just imagine!

But trust me, my little tinfoil-hat tribe, if there were actually aliens in a bunker in Nevada, you just know some boot would have instagrammed them by now. If the inability of humans to keep secrets doesn’t satisfy you, then you can fill out a Freedom of Information Act request with the National Security Agency. They’re required by law to pretty much share any information they have on anything really — they’ll just redact anything classified. You win some, you lose some.

Related: Here’s what we know about Area 51

Moving on!

“My husband is a Marine who makes fun of anyone in a different branch of service. Is this normal?”

Navy vet August Dannehl had a great stream of responses to this: “We’re all family but we’re all talking sh** on each other, you know? Marines, Army…they’re all stupid. Navy, we’re all gay. Air Force, bougy-as-f***.”

And I mean, I can’t protest this, especially since the next cut showed Air Force captain Mark Harper sporting business casual in pastel and a rainbow unicorn Pomeranian. 100% Air Force.

His name is Ding Dong and he’s a perfect gentleman.

“What level of self-reliance training do Green Berets have? What can they actually do?”

Actually, I don’t even want to spoil the answers to this one. Go to 1:17 of the video and watch Harper dominate this question. We’re done here.

“What would a real-life U.S. military party do in a scenario like the first Predator movie?”

It’s possible that U.S. Air Force vet Tara Batesole is the only one to have seen a Predator film in this group, but U.S. Marine Graham Pulliam had some thoughts as well: “Not run around shirtless with a machine gun?”

Why not, Pulliam? What do shirts have to do with killing monsters?

“What are some acceptable gifts to send soldiers who are deployed overseas?”

Here’s a short list — and you can *totally* trust us:

–Booze

–Condoms

–Porn

–Books

–Copenhagen

–Anything that explodes

–Playboy Magazine

–Good canned food

–Playgirl Magazine

–Toothpaste

–Maybe some illegal drugs

–Blunts

–Booze

–Beef Jerky

–Porn

–Candy

–RipIts

You’re welcome.

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Thanks !

Thanks for sharing this, you are awesome !