What’s Hidden at the Bottom of Your CVS Receipt
A map to a sunken sixteenth-century Portuguese ship full of gold, silver, and exotic spices.
A picture of yourself that you actually like.
An album of photos of your mother with your real father, King Carl XVI Gustaf, of Sweden. She’s sorry that she never told you the truth until now—she thought this would be the best way.
The Hogwarts house you’re actually in. No, not Gryffindor. Not Ravenclaw. Yep, Hufflepuff. You know it’s true.
The original, extended final scene of “Hamlet,” in which all the characters’ ghosts take the time to really hash things out over a spot of tea.
Your legitimate birth certificate declaring that you are the child of King Carl XVI Gustaf, of Sweden, and thereby the true heir to the Swedish throne. Your real name is Hilda.
A U.N. resolution on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict that will make literally everyone happy.
Classified U.S. government files detailing first contact with aliens. They have received our decades-old television transmissions. They need to know if Ross and Rachel end up together.
The whereabouts of your father, King Carl XVI Gustaf, of Sweden. Cruel circumstance has kept you away from each other—but no longer! Go to him. He is in Aisle 5, next to the cold-and-flu remedies.
A coupon for two-in-one Pantene shampoo-and-conditioner—ah, it expired!