“We are here tonight to celebrate the midway mark of Donald Trump’s first term in office – because let’s be honest – this is a man who is far too humble to celebrate himself,” began Kimmel who, promos noted, is a native born host.
“And whether you are a Democrat or a Republican and even Canadians- I think we can all agree that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would be honored and thrilled to share his day with the very Orange Donald Trump,” Kimmel added.
“Quick question for those of you here in our studio audience – did any of you get attacked by an MS-13 caravan on your way to the show tonight? Not one! Guess why: Donald Jennifer Trump,” Kimmel crowed.
“That’s right – the news media says Donald Trump hasn’t achieved anything. And that’s just plain wrong. And I can prove that it’s wrong with three words: The Space Force. I have no idea what it is, but I love it!”
“And that’s not all he’s done. The list of accomplishments is endless:
“More than 6,000 tweets in office, at least half of them with no misspellings at all.”
More than a hundred days on the golf course, keeping tabs on the environment.”
“He wins and he wins, and then he goes out there and he wins some more.”
“And to all the losers calling Trump our worst president ever – and that’s what you are, losers – I ask you this” Would the worst president ever be able to get Three Doors Down play at his inauguration?”
The special was brought to you by Oceanic Airlines, “flying to over 150 sh*thole countries daily,” Dr. Magoosis’s Bronzing Tonic “for when you want to look like an orange racoon,” and Xtra Tight Gold Pants: “When you putt show that butt.”