Hey ladies! It’s the New Year, which means… you have to take everything that makes you a person and erase it. If you grow body hair (because you’re a human), get rid of it! Because resolutions are all about making sure that you get rid of everything and anything that makes you a human lady.
But in this new year, why not do the opposite? Why not reject everything that you’re “supposed to do” for the year and just go AWOL instead? I mean, a maniac tangerine is running the country, climate change is inevitable and men still suck. So why should we be tasked with looking nice?
So, whenever you feel the urge to get in a workout… do these things instead:
- Make an entire tub of macaroni and cheese (extra cheesy) and sit around in the yoga pants you won’t be using for exercise and eat. And you may as well eat it straight from the pot with a ladle so that you don’t have to wash extra silverware.
- Sleep. Just take a nap. Life is weird, women are expected to do more emotional labor in every aspect of our lives while men get parades thrown for them just for knowing how to braid hair or picking up a damn mop. So if a lot of our efforts aren’t being recognized, why bother? Just take a damn nap. You deserve one. We all deserve one.
- Turn off your devices and refuse to look at any image that makes you feel like trash. Victoria Secret Fashion Show who? Victoria Secret Christmas Special who? Victoria Secret Instagram who? You don’t know her. You don’t know any of them.
- Refuse to shave your legs if that’s your thing. I mean, you’re a human who grows hair. Why bother spending thousands of dollars in your lifetime for something that the nature intended to put on your body. That and threading sucks. The threading lady looks so gentle, but she will rip half of your face off. So why put yourself through that regularly? Just skip those appointments. Be the beast your body intended for you to be. That and our razors cost more.