The Diary of Dr. Cedric Jackson, Superintendent Cronyville School District

Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

In early 2019 construction workers found a diary belonging to Dr. Cedric Jackson. The leather bound volume fell from the ceiling as workers began demolition of his former office.

Jackson, having been led out of district headquarters in handcuffs in early 2019 and charged with misuse of public funds, has not responded to requests for comment.

Because of an unusually high pregnancy rate within district headquarters Jackson’s former office is currently being turned into a “cry room”. Speaking at a school board meeting before his arrest the superintendent himself chalked up these pregnancies to “odd coincidence.”

Rather than have the district hollowed out by mass maternity leave, interim superintendent Chardonnay Lace approved the $500,000 expenditure so that in her words, “the vital work for the children of our schools can coincide with the necessary work of being a mother.”

Here are a few excerpts from Jackson’s diary.

October 11 2017:

Darnel came to me this morning distraught. He had with him a boom box. I asked him where he got that. At first he seemed to think he was in trouble for having it in school but I let him off quick. Wanted to know because I want one for my office. Anyway, he said that Ms. Schaeffer is a racist. This made me want to sit up, so I did. I sat straight up. He explained that during global economics class she made him turn it off. “She called my music disruptive!” he told me. I had him play it for me so that I could hear for myself. As soon as he hit play I sat up even straighter. Ice Cube — Death Certificate. Dog, I hadn’t heard them jams in a long time. We cranked it up for a while then together me and my boy Darnel went next door and I showed him how to fire a white bitch racist.

November 14 2017:

Finished my morning brief with Kitty. She’s beginning to take shape as our newest team member. I’ve been thinkin’ on it and it would be mass cool if I had like a bunch of chick lieutenants. We could cruise around in the Escalade and just show up anywhere like “BAM!” Posse in full effect! Just a thought.

Kitty for lieutenant curriculum designer? Have to find a way to work around her cosmetology school schedule. I’m open to her working evening hours (ha, just kidding — well, not really). She’d be a good partner for Chardonnay. I can see them two working together (in more way than one — ha again. I can’t help myself. I better get off. Ha, there I go again! Okay, better put this away now.)

January 5 2018:

A late return from holiday. Met a smart young lady in Cancun. Told her about my idea to have lots of lieutenants. She agreed that it sounded like a good plan. Now I’m sure it’s a good idea. I told her maybe she could be 2nd lieutenant to the 1st lieutenant for assistant superintendent. (pay around $120K — need referendum soon to pay for my lieutenants plan. Gotta love the liberals. They’ll pay for anything if you put “school” or “children” on it.)

Keep in touch with this young lady. Shows promise and says she has experience doing lots of things, sometimes several things at once. Says she’s good at teaching people things too — small groups mostly. Have to remember her name. Vanilla Spice. number: +52 998 5552 0054

January 11, 2018:

Dwight came by today. We’ve been talking about this year’s administrative staff retreat. His cuz manages a place down in Miami. Got to justify expense down there. Idea- make Cuban stuff part of curriculum. Curriculum design staff Kitty, Chardonnay (and newest addition Delight) should be there with us for research purposes. Hell, I’ll just bring everybody. Mobilize the posse!

February 2 2018:

Looks like a go for Miami. Dwight’s brother got us some suites right on the water. The whole place is an island. We’ll move some money around to cover it.

February 15 2018:

Staff surprised me with a life size bronze statue of one of my hero’s — ME! The likeness has me wearing the Performance Lujuria shirt that Delight gave me the night I hired her. I look ripped. I think I’ll have it installed out by the entrance. Statue will be a great backdrop for this year’s superintendent of the year photo!

March 1 2018:

Fired another racist teacher today. Making headway, one soul at a time!

Idea came to me today for writing a book about being a loving leader. Have to think of catchy phrase for it. Phrases sell. I learned that from an article I read about how to give a speech without really saying anything.

March 7 2018 (day 2 of staff retreat):

On fire with this book idea. Ran it by the staff. We talked mostly about what it would look like. Roxy loved the idea of pictures of me all over the cover but didn’t like the idea of having kids on there too. Bambi got upset about this because she says she wants a baby someday. Coco rolled her eyes at Bambi. Bambi ran out of tiki hut down to the beach — wouldn’t come back unless Coco apologized. Chardonnay and Delight went and consoled her and got her to come back. What drama. Who knew that writing a book would be so hard?

March 8 2018 (day 3 of staff retreat):

Last day and Dwight and I are glad. Things between Coco and Bambi have been touch and go. During our morning beach walk Bambi said that Coco didn’t have the right to roll her eyes because who is she to judge. Bambi said that Coco isn’t God and that he is the only one who can legally judge a person. This made Coco go crazy rolling her eyes at Bambi. We all told Coco to stop but she just kept on rolling her eyes — now at all of us. Bambi said that God would get her for pretending to be him. Then Coco got sand in her eye. Bambi said, “See!” We were all quiet after that until Kitty found a perfect Turritella shell and that made everyone really happy.

May 7 2018:

Sat with Kitty today. She’s good with computers and showed me something she learned called cutting and pasting. Says it is better than writing words yourself because that takes too much time. We got a lot of stuff about love and being a leader from other websites and mashed it together. This took some time but I think it’s going to sound good. I’ll have Chardonnay edit when we are all done.

June 12 2018:

The team began reaching out to publishers today. Waiting to hear back.

June 27 2018:

Still no response from publishers. Roxy thinks this is because there is too much stuff about kids in the book. She really hates kids I guess. Luscious and Angel (new 3rd lieutenants to Kitty and Chardonnay) say that maybe we can use school budget to pay for printing and do it ourselves. This got us all excited. Now we are talking about name for our new publishing company. Bambi wants to name it Back Door Publishing.

July 11 2018:

We’ve decided to self publish. Who needs a big publisher anyway. And, Coco had a good point, we get all the cash from the sales. I’m thinking of making her district business officer — 1st lieutenant.

September 5 2018:

Books arrived. 7 boxes. Noticed a BIG MISTAKE though. The title was supposed to be: “C. Jackson, The Ultimate Love Machine Comes To Face Children. But Instead the cover says: “C Jackson, The Ultimate Love Machine Comes In The Face Of Children.” Should have NEVER let Chardonnay do the editing!

January 7 2019:

District web site now has link to Love Machine page. Expecting some sales (finally). Cricket Johannes on board as staff photographer (another $120K a year — make note to tell board to approve this.) At meeting Cricket said put lots of photos of kids on Love Machine page. Coco rolled eyes. Bambi upset, ran out of room.

January 11, 2019:

Dwight came over to talk about this year’s staff retreat. Says his cousin is selling a condo in Key Biscayne. Maybe we can move money around to make this happen. Hold on… some people are at my door.

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