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Trump Calls Government “Shithole Slave Nigger.” Says Shutdown Suppression is MAGA.

Stopped on the Air Force Number One tarmac today (recently christened “The Air Force One Pee Pee Tape tarmac” by Putin), a seemingly drunk President Trump finally said what his detractors had (in a contradictory way) been hoping and dreading he would say.

That would be the “N” word.

“Mr. Trump!” a female reporter called out.

“Mr. President!” the President snapped, turning in his black suit to face the woman. “I didn’t lie and cheat and steal my way to the most powerful position in the World to be called “Mr. Trump” by a six!”

The press in attendance gasped. The President (aka Mr. Trump), pulled a golden flask from his hip pocked and drank deep.

“What?” he asked, eyes flashing red. “I want credit for all my smart hard work! I followed my gut! Who needs brains? Obama? Hah!”

He drank deep again.

“Mr. President!” the female reporter continued, breaking the silence. “Can you tell us how long the government shutdown will go? Thousands of Americans who work in government can’t pay their bills or feed their families and it’s almost like you’re sending American across the Shittdown border!”

“Don’t talk to me about Little Adam Shitt!” Trump snapped, swaying on his feet and drinking again. “I’m trying to get my drink on and you talk to me about that Democratic traitor? He wants to investigate me? Donald J. Trump? The smartest, bestest President ever to president a nation thingy? Ha! Don’t make me grab you by the pussy.”

The press gasped. Secret Service agents, sensing a threat to the life of “Individual 1,” drew closer, sunglasses making them look like Agents from “The Matrix.”

“Do you care about the hard working Americans who can’t make a living while the government is in shutdown?” the female reporter asked.

“If Americans want to work for the government,” the President snapped, “ they should (hic) elect Jim Crow as President! Until then I’m (hic) President!”

“What do you mean by that, Mr. Trump?” a male reporter asked, clearly trying to get Agent Orange’s devilish goat.

“Government is a dirty nigger!” the President shouted. “You heard me! And it’s driven me to drink. You see? This is (hic) genuflect White Man’s Burden booze I’m guzzling and it’s great! Government is a sickness! A wetback! It needs to have its stupid head bashed against a great big beautiful (hic) wall, and if Americans stupid enough to have jobs for niggers can’t pay for their families, they’ll learn a tough lesson about what makes America great and they can go work for Trump University or Trump Steaks or… or… Trump Butt Smoochers! Say… (hic)… that’s a good idea. Write that down, Melania! Melania?”

The President looked around for his wife, possibly hoping she’d slap his hand for trying to hold hers. But she was nowhere to be found.

“Bully for me!” the President wailed. “To quote Teddy Roosevelt. You see? I can read! And I want a teddy bear. A trumpy bear! So fuzzy….

“MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! I have to… bash government with my great big beautiful wall until it’s the size of a baby and then drown it in a… a… my golden Trump Tower bathtub! Make white America great again! MAGA! M-M-M….”

Secret Service agents caught the most powerful man in the World as he keeled over, preventing him from bashing his amazing brain on the tarmac.

But that didn’t stop him from vomiting all over it.

As the Secret Service carried the President away, he mumbled incoherently to himself. And for some reason, the female reporter asked him one more question.

“Do you have any thoughts on what Abraham Lincoln would say to you, Mr. Trump?”

Before the SS got their tangerine charge into a hanger, he did answer.

“Government should wave the… the… the… (hic)… white nationalist f-f-flag!”


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