USA

Releasing Jeff Bezos’ Dick Pics Is Sexual Assault

by Becky T. Chavez & Shauna Jo Watson

Dickhead Pic. Source: Jezebel

Yesterday, sexts between Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and mistress Lauren Sanchez were leaked to the public. The leak was from the National Inquirer, who also unearthed dick pics of Jeff Bezos upon finding the texts. This news came shortly after reports came out that Jeff Bezos was getting a divorce from MacKenzie Bezos that could cost him $70 billion dollars.

We at the The Pill have long been fans of Jeff Bezos, both for Amazon’s public service, his fight for workers’ rights, and more importantly, for the work done by his woke af newspaper, The Washington Post. These achievements alone make Bezos an amazing white cis-male ally. Therefore, we believe that releasing the dick pics of Jeff Bezos would make the leaker guilty of sexual assault.

Why? Just ask Ariana Grande, Kate Upton, Jennifer Lawrence, or Kirsten Dunst, if they appreciated having their deeply personal experiences splashed across the computer screens of sexually frustrated Ron Paul-enthusiasts. When we chant “Yes all womyn,” we are also expressing support for our cis-male allies when they are wronged in the same way. We can’t look away when a fellow womyn performs the same kind of ritual humiliation on someone, even if it is a male. If there is one thing we value in the intersectional social justice movement, it is consistency in our beliefs. To ignore this transgression is to turn your back on our movement.

We also cannot forget the greatest gift that Jeff Bezos has given to all womyn — Amazon. How many tampons have been shipped to single mothers working two jobs to make ends meet — jobs that won’t provide tampons because men still think tampons are luxury items 🤦🏼‍♀️? How many douches have been delivered so wo‍myn can freshen up before heading out to the club? There are few things more pro-womyn than ensuring the plentiful supply of health products. In the Fascist world of Trump, where it is a daily struggle for womyn to escape persecution, Jeff Bezos is a helping hand — a friend during stormy times. We must speak in a unified voice and demand apologies from all responsible. Womyn must set the narrative before the neckbearded, “men go their own way”, arch-patriarch, set use this situation as a bludgeon with which they will beat us. Yes, this urgency of this situation requires using such triggering terminology.

We also call on the Honorable Rep. Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez to use her considerable social media presence to spread our message far and wide. If the dick pics get released, throw them in jail and set their tax rates to 70%! Make them gotta work two jobs to get out of the unemployment rate! 💅🏻

Dear National Enquirer: You all are already guilty of sexual harassment for releasing the texts — don’t become sexual assaulters by releasing the dick pics, too. You don’t want to be in the same league as R. Kelly and Aziz Ansari.

And to everyone else: if you try to look at those pics, then you’re guilty of sexual assault, too. ‍🙅🏼‍♀️

P.S. Shame on you Megan Reynolds for body-shaming Jeff Bezos and posting his intimate texts in your Jezebel article. Your slut-shaming is nothing less than sexual harassment. 🙎🏼‍♀️

If you haven’t already, please read our older articles to awaken your mind to more ways to fight injustice. We come out with new articles regularly, so stay tuned, because the outrage never stops!


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