Colonial Penn Life Insurance and it’s spokesperson Alex Trebek would like you to know that everyone can get Colonial Penn Life Insurance for $9.95 a month. Here’s a transcript of their latest commercial.
Alex Trebek: Everyone is eligible to receive life insurance for just $9.95 per month. That’s just 35 cents a day!
Man: What about me? I’m retired and I take medicine.
AT: You can have life insurance for just 35 cents a day!
Man: Okay, but I’m 83 and I live in my car down by the river and I got this bum leg.
AT: You can have life insurance for just $9.95 a month!
Man: Would you mind taking a look at this open wound on my crotch, right here?
AT: Its only 35 cents a day!
Man: How do you guys feel about tuberculosis?
AT: Listen motherfucker, you can have this fucking life insurance for $9.95 a month, do you want it or not?
Man: What’s it for? Can it get me a new heart? I’m like number 15 on the list for a heart transplant.
AT: It’s life insurance ass-hole. It pays money to a beneficiary when you die and its only 35 cents a day.
Man: How much is it?
AT: 35 fucking sense a day!
Man: Wow. That’s cheap. How much does it cost a month?
AT: Jesus Christ! It’s $9.95 a month! What the hell’s wrong with you?
Man: Well, I got this open sore…
AT: Look asshole, it’s the cheapest fucking insurance in the world and you know how we can get our rates this low? We pay $3.47 when you die. You see? We make money even if you die tomorrow. It’s only 35 cents a day. You get it?
Man: Yea. Wow, thanks. I guess I’ll take it. How much is it?