Politics

Pathetic Tucker Carlson goes all-in on the WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Gingerbread PEOPLE!!!!

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Note: This is a trigger warning for anyone who has lost loved ones in the GLOBAL WAR ON CHRISTMAS!

It’s that time of year again. Maybe you buy a Christmas tree. Maybe you polish a Menorah. Maybe you set up some kinara candles. Maybe you don’t do any of that stuff, and you search for deals on new televisions.* Last night Tucker Carlson, whose show—let’s call it, Being Racist, Homophobic, Transphobic, Xenophobic, and Intellectually Dishonest with Tucker Carlson—has taken a shellacking of late, with at least a baker’s dozen of advertisers running away in droves, did what he does, which is blathering away.

At the midway point of his show, Tucker decided to remind everyone what time of year it is. You guessed it: It’s the WAR ON CHRISTMAS time of year! 

Tucker: Well, the War on Christmas is not real. They tell you all the time, it’s totally fake. And if you believe in it you’re dumb. You watch Fox News or something. But it’s also, of course, going on and it’s being fought very fiercely here in America. But not just in America. The War on Christmas is a global struggle. In the parliament of Scotland—they have a national parliament—the coffee shop has stopped selling gingerbread men. Why? Gender-specific. They’re now called gingerbread people.

Every time Tucker Carlson turns a shade of red, an angel gets their GENDER-NON-SPECIFIC WINGS! Tucker brought on right-wing radio “personality” Tammy Bruce to discuss this overseas conflict in the War on Christmas. If you don’t remember Fox News contributor Tammy Bruce, you can read about how she called newly elected President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle  “trash” shortly after they took office. Well, ol’ Mrs. Double First Names Tammy Bruce was almost inconsolable in reporting the carnage being visited upon good old Saint Nick!

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