TRUTH IN SATIRE
Pence too tranquil to even attack the gay community.
Ah… terrified White House staffers, it’s so interesting to see them shake and cry.
For a recent example of this phenomena see Trump’s inability to get a new White House Chief of Staff without resorting to gun-play.
Nick Ayers turned down the job. He informed Trump — that he would only be able to work for him for 15 minutes or less, as he has plans to follow the band Radiohead across the world in hopes of becoming close to them, in lieu of becoming Trumps Chief of Staff.
That was the official line. Later, Ayers informed those close to him he would ‘rather drink an entire bucket full of Freddie mercury’s blood samples than ever become trumps chief of staff’. He also said he’d ‘rather be drowned in a river of Ebola virus’.
Ayers is most famous for being Pence’s current chief of staff, and also for being a man who styles his hair by adding starch to it and ironing it, the way you would a shirt.
Here’s a picture of (freshly ironed) Ayers with a fully-erect Mike Pence, moments before Pence had an emergency session of self-flagellation followed by electro-shock treatments.
So, from all accounts working for Trump is NOT fun.
Taking time away from their busy schedule of writing their own suicide notes, Trump’s aides attempted to pepper Trump with darts coated with powerful elephant tranquilizers, in order to keep him from acting like a maniac on live TV with millions of people watching.
Hilariously, they missed Trump and accidentally hit Pence who indeed seemed to be “tripping balls”.
During trumps Televised meeting with Pelosi and Schumer, Pence set in a near stupor, except for the “near” part.
During their heated exchanges, Pence’s only verbal contributions were “wow…”, “dude…”, “oh wow…” , and — “none of us are really here, we’re all just figments of some gay dude’s imagination!”
PICTURED: Mike Pence “tripping balls” after powerful elephant tranquilizer darts skip off of Trump’s impenetrable head and into Pence.
It’s like watching Trump and his adult supervision, the same people who keep him from running out of the White House into traffic. He literally came off like a four-year-old, discussing why if he doesn’t get a PlayStation nobody will ever be able to have peace of mind again.
As this went on, the Republican party all got together to celebrate wasting more of James Comey’s retirement time. They did this by getting Sundar Pichai the actual CEO of Google to waste some of his own valuable time carefully explaining why if you Google the word “idiot” Donald Trump shows up. — Like a genie for stupid people whose only wish is that their lives will get way, way, worse.
Sundar also explained why if you do a GOOGLE search on these other terms Donald Trump comes up in the search results:
- Orange Hobgoblin
- Reverse Diarrhea
- Giant ferret stapled to a hair weave.
- The unfortunate effects of tweeting while on PCP
- Things Melania hates
- Things Steve Rouach hates
- America’s $400 million per year golf budget
- World’s shortest attention span
- Halitosis best described as “inspiring”
- Whatever happened to Abby Normal’s brain after the filming of “Young Frankenstein” wrapped up?
- Close friends of Jeffrey Epstein the child rapist billionaire
- Best warm-up comedian for very, very, important UN meetings where the fate of the entire world is decided
- Why did the G 20 summit change its name to the “G 19 and one complete imbecile”?
Yep, Google any of those terms and Donald Trump comes up.
This is not the fault of Google.
This is the fault of Donald Trump.
— Written by Steven W. Rouach
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