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The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Oct. 27-Nov. 2)

Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings.&nbsp;To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our&nbsp;<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/hpw-tweets/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">Funniest Tweets From Women</a>&nbsp;page for past roundups.” data-reactid=”16″>The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.

Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.

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Me during interviews: I love challenges

Me day 1: if I have to fill out a form for direct deposit I don’t want it

— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) October 28, 2018

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The smoke alarm going off after midnight because I’m baking a frozen pizza is my anthem

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 31, 2018

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Kid: Trick-or-Treating
Teen: haunted house
20s: House party
30s: Costume contest at a bar
40s: I dunno, maybe go get some candy to eat while we watch Nightmare on Elm Street? It all seems hard.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) October 31, 2018

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You know you’re annoyed when you wish you could hang up on the text convo.

— Quinta. (@quintabrunson) October 29, 2018

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Happy anniversary to the almond at the bottom of my purse.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 30, 2018

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(hits service light)
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: “Yes miss, what is it you need?”
ME: “Is Mr. Rogers… hot?”
F.A.: “What?”
Me: “Like his whole deal is hot kind of.”
F.A.: “…maybe???”
AIR MARSHALL: “Hi I’m the air marshall, u need to stop.”
ME: “No but like picture him.”
A.M.: “…shit.”

— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) October 29, 2018

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please i need to know how taylor swift feels about flu shots i am in the pharmacy and need answers fast

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 29, 2018

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if you ever want to know when the newest MacBook comes out, it’s normally 5 days after I fucking buy one

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 30, 2018

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Happy Halloween, or as it’s known on Twitter, Dress Your Baby and/or Dog Like Ruth Bader Ginsburg Day

— Sara B (@sara_bee) October 31, 2018

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*friend posts pic with older guy*
me: oh wow hes cute. yall are cute together.
her: thats my dad.
me: oh
her:
me:
me: he single tho or

— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) October 31, 2018

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it took me 15 years of eating them before I learned how to say “charcuterie” so the moral of this story is hard work and persistence pays off

— Scaachi (@Scaachi) October 31, 2018

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adult Halloween is doing a face mask and feeling mildly sick because you ate all the cookies your mom sent you in one sitting 🤷‍♀️

— Samantha Tomaszewski (@managewski) November 1, 2018

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sharing a google doc is more intimate than having sex

— t (@radioheadass) October 31, 2018

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me at work: gonna start writing for fun again, gonna start a fashion blog, gonna write reviews for the movies i see, gonna start actually reading those books i bought, gonna exercise more regularly

me everyday when i get home: three hours in bed switching between like four apps

— kendall (@kendall_l) October 30, 2018

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┏┓
┃┃╱╲ in this
┃╱╱╲╲ house
╱╱╭╮╲╲ we
▔▏┗┛▕▔
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲
;; anxiously delete our ;l
;; tweets like an hour ;;
╱╱ after tweeting ╲╲
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕

— Sammy Nickalls (@sammynickalls) November 1, 2018

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How many times do you think I could say, “Woow, the costume of capitalism!” to a man in a suit before I get punched in the face

— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 31, 2018

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*leaves the house one time*
Time to start a travel adventure YouTube channel, the people need to see this

— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) October 29, 2018

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im pretty sure “perfect” skin is 90% genetics and a healthy emotional state but sure tell me about ur creams

— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) October 30, 2018

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ppl who get periods should not have to work on days 1 & 2.

thank you for coming to my ted talk.

— claire schwartz (@23cschwartz) November 1, 2018

  • This article originally appeared on HuffPost.




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