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Woman With Swollen Feet Mistaken For Big Foot Again

Photo by ImsoGabriel Studio

Seattle, Washington — For the 80th time this year, local resident Brenda Vazquez has been mistaken for Big Foot.

“God forbid my feet swell up at the slightest hint of heat and humidity,” she says. “This is the last time I’ll ever run a half marathon in a national park.”

One unfortunate side effect of hot swollen feet is what Brenda calls, “My-feet-are-on-fire-rage, meaning if my feet are hot and swollen, there’s a good chance I’ll rampage through the woods like a monster, eating people’s garbage and punching old men.”

Brenda admits that the last time she suffered from hot and swollen feet, she made the headlines of the National Enquirer.

“‘Beast Of The Week’ is not a title I enjoy holding,” she says.

With no family of her own, combined with a long history of rampaging, Brenda has been forced to live in countless group homes.

“If you’ve never lived in a group home, count yourself lucky,” she says, holding back tears.

“The only group home that made me feel special, almost like I was part of their family, was the Henderson Home. The house mother would even blow dry my hair for me.”

Despite her challenges, Brenda maintains that all she wants is a normal life.

“I’m just a single woman trying to live my life peacefully. I don’t take pictures of strangers walking behind tents mid-stride, so stop doing that to me.”

*Special thanks to Roy and Steve Stein for the feedback.


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