MONTGOMERY — While all of the children have been heading back to school in the past few weeks, there has been a gathering of old friends and familiar faces. The schools are filled once again with eager minds and sawdust for all of that vomit. But in Alabama, there is something new this year being used to transport those hundreds of white children and two black children to school every day.
“They call it the new special bus,” spoke Reba Thames, Principal of an undisclosed Elementary School in Montgomery. “It’s not for the mentally handicapped kids, no, this bus has no special wheelchair lifts or anything like that. This bus has been designated for those students who think they are gay. We want to do what we can to identify these students and keep them together, in a confined and potentially deadly moving object, so they have their own little corner in the world.”
The bus was designed in exactly the same way as an average school bus, but is tailored to offer gay things that gay kids might like.
“There are Home and Garden magazines for the boys behind every chair, and Home Depot catalogs for the girls. The speaker system plays one of those Lady Gaga songs every five minutes, and there are always chaperones named Armand on duty. They wear body glitter and tank tops to make the kids feel at home.”
School officials have denied reports that the bus takes a different route than the regular busses, driving past a massive ravine with a dangerous guard-less turn along the road.