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Trump Supporter Hospitalized with IIBF -Irony-Induced Brain Freeze

A CAT Scan of Mr. Camhead

A Trump-supporting motorcyclist has been hospitalized with what doctors are calling a new ailment: Irony-Induced Brain freeze, or IIBF.

Dirk Camhead was admitted to emergency at Our Lady of Perpetual Outrage Hospital early Sunday morning after his wife, Felicia Sprocket Camhead, found him sitting at his computer, unresponsive to any stimuli.

“I tried everything” said Mrs. Camhead, speaking to reporters outside the hospital. “I can usually get his attention with just a smack on his bald head with a wooden spoon. But this morning, he didn’t so much as flinch at a solid backhand to the face. And I tried a few times.”

[Investigators found] … a possible link between Mr. Camhead’s condition and a sudden influx of weapons-grade Irony into his consciousness.

Doctors have ruled out most known medical problems, like stroke or other causes for paralysis. In fact, Mr. Camhead has been deemed healthy in all respects, other than a high cholesterol count and a slightly shorter left leg, caused by a motorcycle accident in his youth.

Investigators pieced together the events of the morning, revealing a possible link between Mr. Camhead’s condition and a sudden influx of weapons-grade Irony into his consciousness.

“As best as we can tell” Lead Investigator Lieutenant Charlie “Chips” Fairing told the press, “Mr. Camhead sat down at his computer to read the morning news before breakfast. He was wearing a “Bikers for Trump” tee shirt. His wife said he recently bought a half-dozen of the shirts in an assortment of colors. The story still on the screen when we arrived at the Camhead’s home was about those tee shirts. It said they were made in Haiti.”

“I looked far and wide to try to get a shirt made in America, it’s just they get you, they gouge you,”

Lt. Faring is referring to the story, carried by The New York Times, Newsweek, and other outlets, revealing that Chris Cox — the man who makes and sells the “Biker for Trump” shirts, has them made in Haiti, not the United States, to save money.

“If I get a T-shirt made in the USA, it’s going to cost about $8 more,” Cox said in the Times interview.

Cox started Bikers for Trump to support the president in his efforts to keep jobs in the US. According to The Times, Mr. Cox used the famous gathering of motorcycle enthusiasts in Sturgis, S.D. this year to promote Trump and his “Bikers for Trump” shirts.

“I looked far and wide to try to get a shirt made in America, it’s just they get you, they gouge you,” he added. Mr. Cox made this business decision despite his — and many bikers’ — opposition to motorcycle manufacturer Harley Davidson’s announcement that it would be making some of its motorcycles for the foreign market overseas.

Harley Davidson announced this change in manufacturing locale in response to levies imposed by the EU, which would hurt the iconic American brand’s bottom line. The EU imposed the extra fees on American goods in response to to President Trump’s tariffs on steel and aluminum imported to the United States from Europe.

“Frankly” the doctor continued, “ven ve figured za whole sing out, we cooden’t stop laughing for ten minutes.”

Head of Neurology at the hospital, Dr. Carolyn Schadenfreude, told reporters that the irony inherent in the situation was simply too much for Mr. Camhead’s brain.

“Za man vas zimply overcome by ze implications ov za situation. Sink about it a moment. Za shirt you buy to protest ze offshoring ov American jobs is itself foreign made. His mind locked up like a Vindows 95 PC. Brain freeze city.”

“Frankly” the doctor continued, “ven ve figured za whole sing out, we cooden’t stop laughing for ten minutes.”

The hospital reports that Mr. Camhead is resting comfortably in recovery, the television in his room set to Fox News as therapy.

“Ve’re sure he vill come around after a few hours of listening to ze president’s favorite newscasters” said Dr. Schadenfreude. “He’ll be back in his bubble ov cognitive dissonance very zoon.”


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