Entertaiment

18 Horrible Dating App Lines & How I’d Like to Respond to Them

“I do crossfit but I swear I don’t talk about it too much”

You only made it the first sentence in your profile. So wow yes, must be true!

“looking for a nice, pretty girl who’s actually smart. why is that so hard to find??”

Psssst the way to woo a lady is not through insulting other ladies.

“i curse a lot haha”

Wooo hold up, we got a rebel over here.

“I hate filling these out… I’m not most guys. Just message me if you care to get to know me.”

How can I be interested in you, if I have literally nothing to work with?! Which guy in the group photo even are you, Bradly?

“I’m cool”

That’s exactly what an uncool person would say.

“chivalry isn’t dead in my world. it’s all a part of what makes me a true gentleman”

Hi there, Joshua. I’m glad you consider yourself a “true gentleman” and all, but from my experience, any guy who makes it a point to brag about being chivalrous doesn’t have much kindness to offer beyond that. Sure, he might open doors and slide out chairs for women, but that’s all performative. If he truly cared about women, he wouldn’t feel the need to brag about his supposed chivalry.

Nice try, Joshy.

“your well educated”

*You’re not.

“looking for a hot sub ;)”

Ooooh yes, I have considered substitute teaching! What grade?

“bumble has it backwards… a man should say hello first. so, HELLO. ;)”

Wow, Chester! Way to stand out to women on Bumble who use Bumble because they like that feature of Bumble! What a guy.

“Someday my future children will be attending blank elementary, blank middle, and blank high school”

Glad to know you want their mother to have a say.

“not looking to compromise on anything”

Soooo you’re not looking for a healthy relationship, Shawn?

“i love getting white girl wasted”

So does this mean you want to get me, a white girl, wasted? Otherwise, why are you using this expression, Joe? How old are you? You’re profile says 33 but clearly there’s been a mistake.

“I cant love u if u don’t love urself”

lolololololol good. Don’t.

“just go out with me what do u have to lose”

Hmmm let’s see:

  • I could be sent an invoice
  • I could be made to feel unsafe
  • I could be insulted for my makeup, my clothing, my voice, my body, my opinions
  • I could be emotional manipulated
  • I could be drugged
  • I could be sexually assaulted
  • I could be raped
  • I could be murdered

Is that enough for you, Tim? Can you see the danger of a gal deciding to meet up with stranger from an app, especially when he doesn’t bother to share any details about himself??

“Pls DONT wear makeup c’mon that’s just cheating”

Please don’t wear contacts, use gel or hairspray or moisturizer or cologne or axe body spray or glasses or foam sports fingers, have tattoos, wear clothing, shave, dye your hair, or work out. C’mon, that’s just cheating.

“Good vibes only 🤞 not here to deal with your problems”

Awww, hey Mike, will you please tell me when you meet someone who qualifies? I’d LOVE to know someone without any problems. Sounds rad.

“if you don’t work out regularly, swipe left”

Is this the new “no fatties”? No thankies.

“i will probably steal your fries on the first date”

GET OUT


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