Fires First Ever Robosexual
It’s been a shocking turn of events at Louder With Crowder. Sven Computer, the Robosexual, is someone that self-identifies as a computer. He’s been a mainstay on the Louder With Crowder show for quite some time, but as of July 20th Sven Computer is no longer employed by Louder With Crowder.
It’s tragic that the talented German would lose his job so close to achieving his final solution for robosexuals everywhere. The computer known as Sven had done more to promote the positions of those that identified as computers. Unfortunately, known robophobe, Steven Crowder fired Sven before he could achieve equality for robosexuals, and ultimately get the “R” added to LGBTQ. Louder With Crowder has been quiet about Sven’s termination. Was the German computer fired due to Steven Crowder’s long established hatred of technology, and his refusal to accept Sven as a computer? Was there some other reason? Did Sven get fired for sexually assaulting a Keurig machine?
Robosexuals, are not protected by federal laws, but many lawyers had hoped to have a case in front of the Supreme Court by next year. Robosexuals, not to be confused with Romosexuals (Those people who find themselves sexually aroused by former NFL quarterback Tony Romo.) have had quite a bit of trouble with the legal system.
They don’t respect us as computers. They keep telling us to do stuff like fax things, or bring them coffee. I’m a computer, not a secretary. Then, when you try to point that out they say that we have to be replaced because our warranty expired, or we’ve violated our Apple terms of service. — Bob Computer (Robosexual)
How am I supposed to be taken seriously as a computer when the boss keeps trying to surf me for porn, and the interns keep sticking a Grand Theft Auto game up my ass? I’m not even compatible with Playstation. — Cindy Computer (Robosexual)
I would like to have made contact with Sven Computer, Louder With Crowder, and Not Gay Jared’s anus, but sadly I learned everything I know about Journalism from The Austin Chronicle so I was unwilling to make the effort required in order to properly perform this interview. Instead I just snatched a twitter post from Sven’s Twitter feed and took it entirely out of context. Ultimately I feel it explains everything.