Animals That Should Have Horns

A real photo of real turtles without horns. PHOTO: Sarah Lofgren

A list.


I know elephants already have tusks, but imagine if they had tusks AND horns. They’d pretty much be the most epic animals that ever epicked.


Bunnies should have horns, but the horns should be small and adorable.

Edit: I’ve been informed that these exist and are called jackalopes. 😶


Frogs should have horns because it might stop people from trying to pick them up off their slimy riverbanks. A poke from a tiny frog horn will scare off lots of folks.


Why DON’T lions already have horns? This is clearly a missed opportunity. What are you doing up there, God? Why do I have to explain this to you? If you’re going to make a ferocious and majestic animal, please go all the way and include horns.

Photo of a lion without horns by Glen Carrie on Unsplash

Prairie Dogs.

I mean, come on. Imagine how hilarious that would look as they emerge from their holes.

Polar Bears.

Same reason as lions.


This is just for my own amusement.


Instead of “a dingo ate my baby” we could say “a dingo stabbed my baby”. That’s slightly better, no?


We’ve already added a bunch of weird stuff to horses with our folklore and fantasy. People like horses with extra weird stuff stuck on them. Plus, then we could call them duocorns, which is like an extra fancy version of unicorns.

“A light chestnut horse without horns on a pasture with fluffy clouds above” by Cierra Klatt on Unsplash


I just like saying “marmot”.


Because they can be trusted not to misuse them. Sloths are never going to launch an attack. They’ll just sleepily scratch their horns and it will inspire a million memes.



Sarah is a freelancer living in Seattle. If you’re into her whole thing, she has a twitter and an instagram.

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