Teachers I Would Not Have Wanted to Have a Gun and Why I Wouldn’t Have Wanted Them To Have It

Every time there’s a school shooting — and how horrific is it that school shootings are an “every time” thing — pro-gun people offer up the same solution: teachers should have guns.

I’m pretty sure this isn’t the answer.

I’m not saying that I don’t trust teachers to have guns. I’m just saying there are lot of teachers I can remember who I’m glad did not have guns.

Father Kovacs, sophomore year theology — When my brother was in his class, he forced the kids to watch a three-hour documentary on the Catholic mass, spread over maybe three or four days.

At one point, my brother got tired of watching and announced “Father, I’m sorry, but I don’t believe in God anymore.”

This caused Father Kovacs to scream “BE QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-ETTTTTTTTTTT” so loudly that he messed up his voice and had to go home for the rest of the day.

Mr. Sawyer, seventh grade math — Kicked the underside of my desk REALLY hard when he saw me writing on it. Claimed to have been able to shoot and kill a rabid dog from the back of a moving motorcycle.

Sister Cora, third grade — Very old and feeble, also very ill-tempered.

Sister Frances — The first grade teacher when we were in third grade. Came to yell at us for mistreating Sister Cora. Yelled so loud and long her face was purple.

Miss Wright, sixth grade substitute — Desperate for our approval, would have let us see/hold the gun had we asked.

Sister Colleen, high school social studies — Just a coiled ball of rage.

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