“[Omarosa] Manigault Newman is said to be writing a book which focuses on the marriage between the president and First Lady Melania Trump, that could be “very damaging”. — The Daily Caller, 12/27/2017.
- Chapter 1: Sometimes Trump speaks condescendingly to Melania. This would perhaps come as more of a shock if Trump didn’t openly espouse the belief that all women should have their reproductive freedoms limited and also brag about sexually assaulting women. In fact, readers were shocked to learn that there were times that Trump did not speak condescendingly to his wife.
- Chapter 2: Trump and Melania don’t sleep in the same bed. Honestly, this is probably a relief to Melania.
- Chapter 5: Melania doesn’t really agree with all her husband’s political stances. Our readers found this point entirely uninteresting, but perhaps if Omarosa could get details on which stances she DOES agree with, they’d be more engaged. Actually, readers would just like to know what his political stances are.
- Chapter 7: When Trump finds a woman attractive, he’ll often stare at her chest. Readers were pleasantly surprised to learn that Trump limited his chest-gazing to only women he found attractive, rather than any woman in possession of a pair of tits.
- Chapter 8: Melania stayed in NYC for 6 months after the inauguration because she didn’t like living with Trump. I literally did not realize anyone thought there was any other reason.
- Chapter 9: Omarosa was fired by her boss. Here, readers were actually quite impressed that Trump was able to fire an incompetent reality TV star from a high-profile position.
- Chapter 10: Melania secretly believes the sexual assault allegations against Trump. This makes sense, because the allegations are true.
- Chapter 11: Melania gets annoyed by the close bond between Trump and Ivanka. Readers stated that they also find this annoying, but not as annoying as losing their healthcare.
- Chapter 13: Trump considers Ivanka the “true” First Lady: I still consider Hillary Clinton and/or Obama and/or my mom and/or my dentist and/or that random guy on Tinder the true president, so I’ll cut him some slack on redefining titles.
- Chapter 15: Melania plans to divorce Trump once he’s out of the White House. Why wait that long, Mel?
Juicy Spoilers From Omarosa’s Book That No One Cares About Because Everyone Knows Trump Is Awful was originally published in Little Old Lady Comedy on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.