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President’s Support of Black Friday Proves He’s Not Racist; But Aides Split On Tyler Perry

“This is my very dear black friend…um, what’s her face.”

President Trump informally told a group of friends today that he hoped everybody goes shopping in support of Black Friday, so the black people of America could finally have a special day, instead of being crime-ridden losers in their hell holes, as he once described it, on the campaign trail.

For many, any Trump appreciation of African Americans, aside from the incredible job still being done by Frederick Douglas, seemed surprising. Particularly, in the wake of the Charlottesville protests that pitted neo-Nazis against normal humanity. The majority of Americans and people functioning with IQ’s over thirty-six, were shocked and appalled that the President refused to condemn the behavior of white nationalists. Many believed it revealed long held racists beliefs.

Friends of the President disagreed.

“He honestly said we ought to start calling the day after Thanksgiving, Black Lives Matter Friday,” said Omarosa Manigault, a senior advisor to the President, responsible for being a black person who sits near the President. “Then Ivanka said she knew a black person, so suggested we call it ‘Tyler Perry’s Casual Black Lives Matter Friday.” She offered to put some casual black people clothing specials on her website. But, the President shot that down as Tyler Perry is despised by his base, because Tyler Perry’s black. And the President doesn’t like movies with black people, ever since Eddie Murphy ruined his favorite film, ‘The Nutty Professor,’ by being black.”

Despite some fumbles, members of the President’s Cabinet are certain that the President’s heart is in the right place, when it comes to race.

“A lot of people think he’s a racist,” said token African-American Secretary of HUD, Ben Carson. “But I can assure you he was completely sincere when he suggested that we all buy some fried chicken on the Friday after Thanksgiving, in support of the Blacks. Personally, I will be going to my favorite Popeyes Chicken in Detroit — the one where I was an accessory to a robbery, after I unsuccessfully tried to stab my best friend to death.”

Meanwhile, white nationalists were appalled that the President could possibly be perceived as being anything other than a sick, moronic and morally bankrupt racist, just like them.

“We always knew this Black Friday thing was a slippery slope,” said David Duke, a former Klan leader, and prominent spokesperson for the white nationalist movement. “As soon as Judge Roy Moore is elected, he’ll introduce legislation to change the day’s name to White Friday, just as God wants it. We have to stop this now, before everybody starts dreaming of a Black Christmas.”

Editors Note: You can decide if the President’s racist, I’m just making up junk. None of this is real, no matter how real it may seem.


President’s Support of Black Friday Proves He’s Not Racist; But Aides Split On Tyler Perry was originally published in BullshitIST on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
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