Entertaiment

Why Aliens Aren’t Talking to Us

It’s expensive for aliens to communicate with us, but they still want to know if we’re worth reaching out to; if we can somehow be of use to them. So, they surveil us — but only rarely, because even tapping into human satellites takes valuable time and resources. The aliens aren’t impressed so far: we’ve only just begun to advance technologically at an acceptable pace to the aliens, but we’re already having trouble keeping up.

Imagine a television set that allows you to glimpse at snapshots of other universes. This is what the aliens have, only, because of the great distances between universes, it takes an incredibly long time for the channels to load when the aliens do decide that they want to monitor planet Earth. For a long initial period, they just get static on the television screen. And although humans often have news of brilliant scientific breakthroughs and creative solutions for sustainable development, it’s always a gamble for what’ll show up on the aliens’ screen.

In 2020, the aliens finally receive satellite images from 2010, and they are not impressed.

Wall Street Journal, “How Planking Became the Internet’s Latest Bored Game”

In fact, they are concerned that an advanced and crippling disease has left the humans of planet Earth paralyzed. They’re especially critical of this because of the humans’ face-down position — perhaps the force of gravity was changing in nature? Unfortunate. The aliens decide to discover other universes and check back on Earth when they have a budget surplus.

Five years later, the aliens are curious about what remains on planet Earth. Around 2025, they’re shocked to see the human race still alive, but that people seem to be suffering from yet another global disaster. They suspect that the sun is moving closer to Earth from the gravity issue they witnessed in the previous television screening, and that humans cannot handle the light and radiation any longer.

The Sun, “What is Dabbing?”

The aliens believe that there’s not much they can do to help the human race at this point if their only source of energy is, in a sick turn of events, killing them. They change the channel.




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