As our president has helpfully pointed out, MEDIA BAD. So for trustworthy information on world events, you don’t need to waste time with mainstream news outlets or slightly bitchy (but very entertaining) blurbs about useless Internet trivia. You want to go straight to the source. So when news spread about a horrific, nonexistent terror attack that Trump made up, the regular-Jo Swedes who weekly helm the official @Sweden account (as part of the country’s Curators of Sweden initiative) found themselves drafted as de facto White House fact-checkers. “Huge nerd” Max’s message to the world from the non-aftermath? “We’re OK.”
If you’re not one of the millions who start your day on Reddit, you may know it only as the place where people once obsessed over meaningless buttons and where anonymous racists let their flags fly high and their spelling run free. But did you know it’s also the Internet’s primary source for information on how awesome it is to take a shower while eating an orange? Right now, a community of 8,000-plus people are hanging out in the oddly ascendant r/Shower Orange, daydreaming about their next chance to rip into some ripe citrus in the steamy confines of a hot shower. Best part: Zero stickiness. Worst part: This is actually incredibly gross.
MILO CAN HE GO?
Alt-right Internet ne’er-do-well and talkative pencil troll Milo Yiannopoulos had a pretty sporting week, all told. Footage from a 2016 podcast emerged online wherein he sure seems to be cool with the idea of “younger boys” having the sexuals with “older men.” (In a previous interview, he also stated, “When I was 14, trust me, I was the predator.”) In a now-deleted Facebook video, he helpfully gaysplained that gays use “boy” to mean “consenting adult” (um, not really, no), but it was too late: CPAC nixed his keynote appearance; Simon & Schuster canceled his forthcoming book; he resigned from his editorial post at Breitbart News, which continued to bubble with methane; and I got some scratch tickets because this is exactly when you should buy scratch tickets.
In other banished pest news, the Internet and hockey fans everywhere marveled at the ingenuity and slapshot skills demonstrated by a household of college students terrorized by a rat. Through their experimental ad-hoc system of barriers, brooms, and stairs, the girls channel the cadence of Bruins in ’69 (or maybe the Penguins in ’91, since this happened in Pittsburgh) and effortlessly send the invader flying through the door. Somewhat related: Is USA Curling drafting for the women’s team right now? Also somewhat related: Where, exactly, is the White House broom closet?
MICHAEL ANDOR BRODEUR