In a move likely designed to stave off irrelevancy, former actress, former comedian, and current host of “Loud-Mouth Leftists” — aka “The View” — Whoopi Goldberg has designed a series of Christmas sweaters. Goldberg insists they not be called “ugly Christmas sweaters,” but rather, “Christmas sweaters with a twist.”
We beg to differ.
They are ugly. They are poorly designed. Worst of all, they cost $139, virtually assuring that shoppers have to be mega-fans of either ugly holiday clothing or a washed-up actress to generate sales.
"Vogue" magazine gave us an exciting preview of these garments that are scary enough to even turn the Grinch off. One has a black Santa Claus and a Caucasian Santa with massive lips, facing each other, making it appear as though they are about to kiss.
"It's fantastic!" Goldberg told Vogue. "There will be a Kwanzaa sweater next year; a Ramadan sweater. I just want to cover everything."
A second sweater shows a mixed race family in long nightshirts standing beside a Christmas tree. The mother is white, the father is black. And there's a white child, a black child … and a green elf. There appears to be some question as to whether the elf is a mutant offspring of the couple's, is adopted, is photobombing, or is just an emissary of Saint Nick. Children may be confused by the design — or confused as to why anyone in their family would pay $139 for the sweater in the first place.
A third sweater features a yarmulke-wearing octopus. The creature is smiling, presumably unaware that its natural oils are being used to fuel the ceremonial candles, and it's going to end up as calamari.
The most offensive thing about these really hideous sweaters, though, aren't their designs.
It's that Whoopi Goldberg, who is already rolling in dough, is just trying to cash in on an idea that is already being executed to perfection. The concept of the "ugly Christmas sweater" caught on a few years ago, when entrepreneur Robert Herjavec of ABC's "Shark Tank" invested in a company called Tipsy Elves.
The difference is that Tipsy Elves has designs that are just laughably bad, and it's the fact that they generate laughter that makes them special. They are intentionally ridiculous and they deliver on that concept. Now the company has expanded into many other types of clothing, including Halloween gear. The sweaters also go for a mere $58.
Whoopi Goldberg's designs look like someone who set out to design something good, got drunk on egg nog, and then tried to design something that looked ugly-ha-ha and instead just ended up with a product that is plain ugly — for more than twice the cost of a Tipsy Elves product.
Thus, if you are seeking to give a prank gift to a friend this year — especially your favorite bleeding-heart liberal — this is the way to go.